Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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