Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
