CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
