I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
