I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
