yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
