New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
