I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
no, he came in my armpit
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
