so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
