no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize