WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
