It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
