i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
