Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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