Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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