U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
