So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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