i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
