I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
