It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
