That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she looked like the before picture.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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