mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
