I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
