Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
