it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
