D3 body, D1 cock
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
