We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
