the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i think i have herpe
just one?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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