It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
