I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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