I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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