it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
