I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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