my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
