We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize