I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
