I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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