i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
