Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
