I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
