I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize