We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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