i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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