holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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