he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
