theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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