Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize