love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
