Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
