Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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