dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
