I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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