I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
