so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
