dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize