Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
