3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
