R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
