The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
