Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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