I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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