That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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