Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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