does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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