i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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