the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
