Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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