...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We are all done wearing pants today
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize