I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
