Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
