you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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